As the scapegoat of a narcissistic parent, I unknowingly attracted parasitic friends and lovers into my life.  To my surprise, my prince charming, who love bombed me in the initial stages of our manipulationship, turned out to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing.  I quickly found myself trapped in a cycle of idealize, devalue, and discard.  Lost in the upheaval of emotional and psychological abuse bestowed upon me by a man who I initially believed was my happily ever after left me empty. 

I, the perfect victim, blinded by my need for approval and acceptance that I never received during my childhood.  So lost in fact that I did not see ALL the red flags that are now so blatantly obvious as I look back on my 23 year prison sentence I termed a marriage.  I was conditioned for eternal abuse at the hands of the person I thought I loved.

WHAT changed THE COURSE OF MY LIFE?

My two daughters, wise beyond their years, can be credited with freeing me from my cell.  They told me my soon to be ex husband was in fact a narcissist.  Like ice cold water running down a dry throat in a scorching desert, my youngest daughter’s words breathed life into my fatigued soul when she said, “Mommy, you deserve better.”  It put me on a quest to find out the truth about the man I had devoted the rest of my life to.  And this truth I found altered my future, as I have now separated from my estranged husband.

A relationship that began with a whirlwind of gifts, affection, and love bombing soon left me confused, as I found myself yoked to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  Learning that the man I fell in love with never existed was soul shattering.  To assist other scapegoats from making the same mistake, I am going to share 10 characteristics of a narcissistic partner.

10 SIGNS OF A NARCISSISTIC PARTNER

1.      Constant need for admiration and validation

When I lived with my ex, I had to be very careful what I said to him.  He wanted to be praised and admired all the time.  If I made a comment that he took as criticism, he would get very upset and start an argument.  So, I had to structure my sentences in such a way that I did not make him feel as if I were not showing him the utmost respect at all times in order to keep peace in our home.

2.      Lack of empathy towards others

He was a very selfish man who did not like to share or give to others.  I found pleasure in giving to others who were less fortunate, and he scolded me for doing so.  During the holidays, I often bought gifts for family members and put both of our names on them. He would never give to the homeless. In fact, he delighted in the suffering of family members and friends.

3.      Manipulative behavior to get what they want

He lied all the time.  From the first day I met him, this man lied about his occupation, his sexual encounters, and everything else he thought he needed to in order to trap me.  Throughout our marriage, I often caught him lying and taking things that didn’t belong to him.  As long as he thought he could get away with this behaviour, he felt empowered to do so.

4.      Grandiose sense of self-importance

This man believed he was the best looking person in the world.  He was extremely vain and loved showing off his muscles.  He had an over inflated ego that I found repugnant.  He lacked humility. 

5.      Difficulty accepting criticism or feedback

Any type of feedback directed at him fell on deaf ears.  He refused to listen to sound wisdom and guidance and often took advice as an assault against his perfection.

6.      Sense of entitlement and expectation of special treatment

He thought he should have anything he wanted, regardless of the cost.  He wanted the best of everything and would never consider the financial obligation.  This led to excessive debts and unpaid bills. He purchased luxury cars and would take them to the car wash weekly. When he was there, he bossed around the workers commanding them to clean his car to perfection and would never leave a tip.

7.      Tendency to exploit others for personal gain

Deception empowered him to continue on his destructive path.  He found pleasure in deceiving others to get what he wanted.  He was a habitual liar, and he took pride in gaining the trust of others.

8.      Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships

He had very little friends and most of his family members avoided him.  He often blamed the other party for this, but as time went on, I realized he was the problem.

9.      Jealousy and possessiveness in relationships

He was very controlling and would not allow me to go anywhere without him.  He put trackers on my phone without my consent and often invaded my privacy by reading my emails, diary, and other personal literature to ensure I remained faithful to him.

10.  Inability to take responsibility for their actions

Every problem that occurred in our family was my fault. He never took responsibility for anything negative that happened in our home, even when we all knew it was his fault. 

As an adult, your home should be a peaceful sanctuary.  A place where you can escape the pressures of life.  When you live with a narcissistic spouse, life becomes very dull and harsh.  It is important that you recognize the characteristics of a narcissistic person early in your relationship, so you protect your life experience.

If you notice any of these signs in your significant other, I encourage you to do further research.  Narcissism is an incurable mental illness which leaves the partner of a narcissist in a lifetime of misery and regret.